Siriusly in Love
by Moony100
Summary: Awww! Sirius is in love! But with who? Harry and Ron try to figure it out.I recommend this to people who love random stuff.
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place before Harry's 5th year. He's at Grimmauld Place and hasn't gone to his hearing yet. Keep in mind that this isn't supposed to be taken seriously. At least not VERY seriously! This story is the result of me trying to make up new and interesting couples. And the main couple in this story is indeed a strange one!

**"Siriusly in Love"**

Harry had lived at Sirius' place for a week. He was still getting used to the creepiness of that house. He couldn't imagine what it felt like for his beloved godfather to sit in that house day after day. Sirius had told Harry a lot about his past:muggle-hating parents, a "perfect" little brother who was always better than him, moving away from home at the age of 17. Harry remembered the evening he arrived to Grimmauld Place, the slight depression in his godfather's face. Harry understood him perfectly. He remembered all those weeks at the Dursley's. Not knowing anything, dying of boredom! As much as he hated to admit it-he was still kinda pissed at Ron and Hermione for not telling him anything.

Harry couldn't deny the fact that during the last few days Sirius seemed a lot happier. He was constantly writing something on a piece of paper, trying to make words rhyme as if he were writing a poem. He hardly argued with Mrs Weasley anymore and even Snape didn't annoy him that much. One afternoon when Harry and Ron were sitting in their room, Harry decided to talk about it.

Harry:Hey, Ron! Have you noticed something about Sirius lately?

Ron:Something like what?

Harry:You know...the way he seems a lot happier. Did you hear the way he spoke to Snape today? Like they were best friends or something. And he doesn't hit Kreacher anymore. He actually said hello to his mother when she started screaming.

Ron:So what? I don't know how I'd be able to cheer up in his situation. Having to stay in this house I mean.

Harry:That's just it, Ron! One moment he tells me how miserable he is here and now he acts like the happiest guy in the world.

Ron:I don't know. Maybe he's in love or something(laughs)

Harry:...maybe you're right!

Ron:I was only joking!

Harry:No, no! I think it's very possible.

Ron:Sirius doesn't seem like the kind of guy to get all silly because of a girl.

Harry:How would you know?

Ron:Well...when did he have time to fall in love anyway?

Harry:I spent a lot of time away from you guys. I hardly know anything about what happened.

Ron:Trust me-he did not act all happy when you weren't here. Why do you care so much about that anyway?

Harry:What? I want to be happy for him! He spent 12 years in Azkaban for something he didn't do and now he still has to hide himself. I think I want to know who managed to make him cheerful again.

Ron:He barely meets any women in this house!

Harry:But what about...(thinks)..um...

Ron:See?

Harry:Tonks!

Ron:Tonks?

Harry:Yeah! She's kinda like him. A bit young, but...

Ron:Harry! They are related!

Harry:Many people in his family have married relatives.

Ron:That's because they wanted to keep the pureblood thing going. And since neither Tonks or Sirius care much about being purebloods...

Harry:...ok ok! That was a stupid guess. But who else is there?

Ron:There are many women in the Order. But he doesn't really know them all.

Harry:...(thinks)

(Stupid long pause)

Kreacher comes into the room. Looks at Harry.

Kreacher:Stupid little faggot!

Harry:I know you are, but what am I?

Kreacher: (mumbles something and goes away)

Ron:How can Hermione be so defensive of that thing? He's so retarded!

Harry:I know. I wish he were more like Dobby.

Ron:Who's Dobby?

Harry:You know! That house elf that used to serve the Malfoys. He was supposed to appear in GoF, but the people at WB decided to cut him out.

Ron:Poor guy!

Harry:I know.

Ron:Hey! I just had an idea about who Sirius could be in love with.

Harry:Well?

Ron:Um...I was thinking that...maybe he isn't in love with a woman at all.

Harry:Huh?

Ron:You know like...maybe he has other kinds of intere...

Harry:ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT SIRIUS IS GAY?

Ron:Shh! He might hear you downstairs!

Harry:That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Sirius can't be gay!

Ron:How would you know?

Harry:Some friend you are! Calling my godfather gay!

Ron:What? You aren't homophobic, are you?

Harry:You know what? This conversation is over!

Ron:But...

Harry:OVER!(turns his back to Ron)

Ron:But...I...piss off!

Silence...

Harry:Maybe you're right. I mean...it isn't impossible that Sirius is gay.

Ron:Well well! A few minutes ago you were saying osmething completely different!

Harry:Knock it off, will you?

Ron:Why should I?

Harry:Remember when I showed you the thing that muggles call "internet"?

Ron:Yeah?

Harry:Remember those sites we found?

Ron:Uh oh!

Harry:All those stories of Ginny and Draco snogging! All those pictures of me an you...

Ron:Shut up! We swore not to talk about that ever again!

Harry:What were they called? Oh yeah! Yaoi!

Ron:Quiet! I'll get nightmares again!

Harry:Then let's continue our conversation the way it was.

Ron:Ok. Just don't talk about the Yu-gi-oh!

Harry:Yaoi!

Ron:Yes. That's what I meant!

Harry:So...which guy do you think a guy like Sirius would be attracted to?

Ron:I think I know!

Harry:Well?

Ron:Lupin!

Harry:What?

Ron:Don't tell me you didn't suspect anything when those 2 hugged in the Shrieking Shack!

Harry:Ron! That was a brotherly hug! How can you be so immature?

Ron:...(is quiet)

Harry:Besides, Lupin is more likely into kids or women than men.

Ron:Kids?

Harry:Didn't the chocolate, the moustache and those private walks with me seem suspicious?

Ron:...you just made Lupin a little more disturbing for me!

Harry:Sorry!

Ron:I don't think Tonks would apprechiate it if Lupin were gay.

Harry:Huh?

Ron:Haven't you seen the way she startes at him? The poor werewolf has no idea!

Harry:Tonks doesn't have a chance!

RonShe'll never be with a guy like Remus.

Harry:Pink hair is so out!

Ron:And her clumsiness is, like, totally hilarious! The girl is like a walking disaster!

Harry:Her secret weapon is knocking over her enemies after tripping on something.

Harry and Ron giggle for a few seconds. A deliciously evil gossip girl moment!

Harry:So...we have Sirius/Tonks and Sirius/Remus.

Ron:They're both pretty stupid if you ask me.

Kreacher(from the corridor):WHAAAAAAT?

Harry and Ron rush to the door, open it quietly and see Kreacher staring at Sirius with the angriest face a house elf could ever make. Harry saw flowers and a piece of paper on the floor.

Kreacher:Oh, if only my Mistress could see me now! Not only is her house full of mudbloods, mugglelovers and freaks, but now her horrible son is saying such ridiculous things to poor old Kreacher!

Sirius:Please! You have to understand! I know it may sound ridiculous, but...I care about you!

Harry, Ron: (HUGE WTF moment)

Kreacher:He is not well! He lost everything left of his so-called brain in Azkaban!

Sirius:Kreacher, please! I know I always hit you and treated you badly, but...I just realized what a fool I was. Kreacher, darling, please! I love you! I have always loved you!

Ron:Bloody hell!

Harry:Are you fucking serious?

Lupin appears out of nowhere...

Lupin:Not anymore(dissapears again)

Ron:I'm getting really tired of that old joke!

Harry:Sirius! What are you saying?

Sirius:Harry, I know it's hard for you to understand and I never wanted you to find out, but...it's just the way I am.

Harry:You are in love with a house elf?

Sirius:...yes.

Harry: (faints)

Kreacher starts screaming and runs down the stairs. Sirius picks up the flowers on the floor and runs after him. 5 minutes later Harry wakes up.

Harry:Was that for real?

Ron:Yes.

Harry:This is onebeeped up story!

Ron:Oh yes!

Harry:Why would Sirius fall in love with Kreacher?

Ron:I don't know! At least I was right about him being gay.

Harry:I suppose

Ron:...

Harry:...

Ron:...

Harry: (starts crying)

Ron:Cheer up, mate! Love has strange ways. Just think of Hagrid's parents. A giant and a human. How did they...?

Harry:Shut up! I don't want any disturbing images in my head!

Ron:Sorry!

Fred&George:Hello!

They see Harry crying on Ron's shoulder.

Fred:Oh, you found out about Sirius' new love interest.

George:We just came to say that it was all our work!

Harry:What!

Fred:You see, we made some chocolates...

George:...and filled them with love potion.

Fred:We made sure that Sirius eats them...

George:...but little did we know that the first person he would meet is Kreacher.

Fred:I hope you're not too pissed.

Ron:Bloody hell!

Harry:You guys...DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGHT THESE LAST 5 MINUTES?

Fred&George:Sorry! You gotta admit it's kinda funny though.

Harry:Oh yeah! Really funny!

Ron:It'll probably wear off in some time.

Fred:Actually the love potion we made is very strong...

George:...and it could take a long time before Sirius turns normal again.

Harry:Oh come on! There's gotta be an antidote or something!

Fred:Well. We did go to ask Snape for help.

George:We told him the whole story. He was quite amused.

Harry:And what did he say?

Fred:He said he doesn't have some neccessary ingredients at the moment.

George:Getting them could take weeks, perhaps even months.

Ron:Do you think he was telling the truth?

Fred&George:NO!

Fred:It's his dream come true.

George:Sirius Black crazy in love with poor little Kreacher.

Harry:Fg hell!

Ron:Well it IS kinda funny!

Fred and George laugh and leave the room.

Harry:I wonder how they would like it?

Ron:Like what?

Harry:Drinking love potion without knowing it.

Ron:Do you think we should...?

Harry:Yeah!

Ron:But who should we pair them up with?

Harry:With each other!

Ron:That's brilliant!

Harry:Imagine all the happy fangirls!

Ron:Bloody hell!

Harry:Come on! Let's go find a good love potion recipe!

Harry ad Ron run out of the room, both giggling like little girls.


	2. Chapter 2

_This is what happened in part 1:Harry and Ron were arguing about who Sirius is in love with and then they discovered it was Kreacher-the retarded old house elf. Then it turned out that Fred and George made Sirius drink some love potion. Harry decides to have his revenge by making some love potion-filled chocolates himself and make the twins fall in love with each other. But the story doesn't continue from the end of part 1. It continues from the part where Kreacher runs away from Sirius._

**Siriusly in Love part 2**

Kreacher ran down the old stairs as quickly as he could to get away from his crazy master. Unfortunately he tripped and fell on the floor.

Sirius:Oh, poor Kreacher, did you hurt yourself?

Kreacher:No! Go away! Retarded faggot! Traitor! Filthy dog!

Sirius seemed to ignore every bad word Kreacher said and sat down next to him(with a very worried look on his face).

Sirius:Are you sure you're alright? You could have broken your little leg!

Kreacher:Aah! Don't touch my leg!

Sirius:Let me put a bandage on it. It will heal quicker.

Remus was nearby and watched as Sirius gently placed a little pink bandage on a completely unharmed leg. He nearly choked on his apple(he luuurves apples).

Remus:How come you never had a bandage for me when I tripped and fell?

Sirius:Kreacher is very fragile. He needs extra love and care. Besides, you're a big strong man...wolf...wolf man...werewolf...human/wolf mixup...

Remus:Whatever you say...(mumbling something about Sirius, Kreacher and perverted love)

Sirius stood up and stared at his moustached friend.

Sirius:You've got something to say?

Remus:I...I thought what we had was special!

(The sound of falling dishes came from the kitchen)

Nympha...I mean Tonks ran into the room looking shocked!

Tonks:You and Sirius?

Remus:UDUUUUUUUUUUUUHH!

Sirius:Yeah! UDUUUUUUUHHHH! Are you as dumb as you are clumsy?

Tonks:But...I thought...you and...he...and...bloody hell!

Remus:What's it to you anyway? Oh, and I'm not gay! Bisexual actually.

Tonks:Really? Oh thank god!

Remus:What? Do you really think there could be something between us?

Tonks:Well...I thought...maybe it would be a nice surprise for the readers to find out that we love each other in the 6th book?

Sirius falls on the floor laughing like a lunatic. A truly brilliant crazy Gary Oldman moment!

Remus:What, in the name of my moustache, is the matter with you? Do you not think of the fan girls? The Sirius/Remus shippers?

Sirius:Woah! That ship is long gone! I'm with Kreacher now.

Kreacher:NOOOOOO!

Sirius:I love it when he screams like that! It makes me all hor...

Remus:Will you forget about that filthy little house elf?

Sirius:That's it! You, me! Outside! Duel nooooow!

Remus:I don't want to fight with you. You've been my friend for a long time and...

(Sirius bitch slaps Remus)

Remus:Oh no you didn't!

(Bitch slaps him back)

Tonks watches the two guys bitch slapping each other for 5 minutes straight.

Tonks:ENOUGH! This is what's going to happen-Sirius will live happily ever after with Kreacher and if Remus doesn't get with me I'm gonna purposely lose my abilities and become an anorexic emo!

Sirius:How romantic!

Remus:So?

Tonks:So? But but...anorexic emo!

Remus: (does a stupid farting sound with his mouth)

Tonks:Bastard! I'll show you!

Runs out of the room.

Sirius:Kreacher! Please! Listen to my poem!

Kreacher:NOOOOOOOO!

Sirius:Why won't my precious Kreacher love me? My preciooouuuus...

Remus:Knock it off, will you?

Sirius:At least somebody wants you.

Remus:Please! She has pink hair. And she can't even stand her first name. We're way to different. Besides, I hate clumsy people!

Sirius:I'd hate my first name too if I were her.

Remus:Why?

Sirius:Oh, Nympho!

Tonks: (back in the room) I TOLD YOU TO NEVER CALL ME THAT!

Sirius:Bwahahahhaaaa!

Remus:Do you think it's wise to love a werewolf, Nympha...Tonks?

Tonks:It doesn't matter to me!

Remus:But...I get cranky every time there's a full moon which is once every month so basically I'm kinda like a woman having her monthly. And if I don't drink a disgusting potion that almost nobody can make I'll turn into a starved Mexican dog which most people like to refer to as a werewolf. Then I run around and howl, not knowing who I am. I could eat Sirius and not even understand it. I could kill you while you sleep in your bed. I'll drag your bloody corpse around the house leaving bloodstains everywhere. I'll eat your liver first, then the kidneys and maybe even the hair, because it looks like cotton candy. Or if you're lucky enough to stay alive you'll be bitten anyway and will have the same condition as me. Isn't being a werewolf hot?

Tonks:...ok...I guess I never thought of it that way.

Remus:There, you see? You have to think hard about those things!

Sirius:Kreacher, baby, please come to me!

Kreacher:NOOOOO!

Sirius:His probably somewhere in a dark corner, snogging with my father's old trousers. Why can't he snog me?

Remus:You should try and be more romantic with him.

Sirius:Perhaps you're right...or maybe I should just go back to Azkaban. At least someone was desperate to kiss me there.

Remus:What?

Sirius:Just forget it! I'm not good enough for him! Whyyyy? I know! I cover myself up too much.

(rips up his shirt)

Sirius:There! This should do it!

Remus:I know what that did. It gave thousands of fangirls such a heavanly moment of joy that they all probably died of heart attacks.

Sirius:Oops...

(Severus comes into the room)

Severus:Sirius, my love, I've been looking all over for you!

Sirius:...!

Severus:Let me hold you in my arms! You look so...lonely and defenseless.

Sirius:Remus! It's coming closer!

(Harry and Ron run into the room with an almost empty box of chocolates)

Ron:Bloody hell!

Harry:He took the chocolates before Fred and George could find them! And he just had to look at a picture of Sirius!

Ron:I thought he didn't even like chocolate!

Remus:Chocolate?

(Grabs one from the box)

Harry:No!

Ron:Nooo!

Remus:Harry, Ron...I've never noticed it before, but...you are very handsome young boys!

Harry, Ron:AAAAAAAHHHH!


	3. Chapter 3the last one! OMG!

**Siriusly in Love part 3**

Kreacher was sitting in a dark corner playing around with a bunch of old stuff he had been collecting. Suddenly he saw what he feared the most-Sirius was in the room.

Sirius:Kreacher! Are you trying to hide from me?

Kreacher:I'm trying to find the best way to get rid of you!

Sirius:Aww! Don't be silly! There is no way a house elf could be responsible for my death.

(AAAH! HE SHOULD HAVE SPAT 3 TIMES OVER HIS LEFT SHOULDER!)

Kreacher:Hmph! Stupid...why can't he leave me alone...retard!

Sirius:Oh, stop! You know all those compliments make me blush!

Kreacher:You idiot! Can't you tell when someone is insulting you?

Sirius:Whatever my love says is music to my ears.

Kreacher:I am not your love!(Picks up one of his Black family necklace/locket thingies and throws it at Sirius)

Sirius:Oh, you threw me a present! That's adorable!

Kreacher:It's not a present! Give it back!

Sirius:You shouldn't throw around things you need. But I've got something better for you than this tasteless old snake medallion thing.

(Throws it away and takes something from his pocket)

Sirius:Look what I have for you! It's a necklace with one half of a heart.

(Puts it around Kreacher's neck)

Kreacher:It's ugly and broken!

Sirius:No no! It's meant to look like that. Look! I have a necklace with the other half of the heart. This way we can show people how we love each other.

Kreacher:AAAAHHHH!(beats his head with his fists)

Sirius:Oh, I'm sorry! I should have known you'd hate it. You're right. It's so gay! I have something better...

(Takes a piece of paper from his pocket)

Sirius: (clears throat)Your face is like a flower. Your voice makes me want to fly. As long as you are close to me our love will never die.

Kreacher:AAAAAAHHH! THAT POEM IS RUBBISH!

Sirius:But...I spent 12 years writing it! I wrote this first line in Azkaban. It was originally for Remus, but I recently changed my mind.

Kreacher:Give me a sock! Anything! Just give me some clothes!

Sirius:But, baby, the clothes have to come off first(winks)

Kreacher:I meant for leaving! I want to quit! This house is full of mad people! I wanna go NOOOOOOOW!

Sirius:Awww. You're having a temper tantrum.

Kreacher: (rolling around on the floor, screaming hysterically)

Sirius:I know what will make you feel happier! I'll do 50 different accents in 1 minute. Wanna hear it? Huh? It's really cool!

Kreacher:WAAAAAHHH!

Sirius:Ok...how about if I hang Snivellus upside down in the air? Huh? That always made people laugh!

(Snape comes into the room)

Snape:Did you say my name, Siri?

Sirius:Darn it!

Snape:Forget the house elf! I've got everything you could ask for in a man.

Sirius:Says who?

Fangirls all over the world:SAYS US!

Sirius:Oh...well...NO!

Snape:Come on, Black! I will show you things you have never seen before!

Sirius:Trust me! I have already seen EVERYTHING!

Snape:But you're my true love! I have crossed oceans of time to be with you!

Sirius:You know what's funny? I've heard that line before, but I can't remember where...

Snape:Enough talk! You shall either give yourself to me or I will take you myself. Right now!

Sirius:Eep!

Fred and George run into the room.

Fred:Here's...

George...the antidote.

Fred:Drink it...

George:...and you will be normal again.

Fred:Maybe...

George:Haha! I love finishing your sentences!

Sirius, Snape, Lupin and anyone else who had taken the love potion before drank the antidote and became normal again.

Sirius:I was in love with...who! Oh god, that's nasty! Where is he? I want to kick him in the arse!

Harry:But, Sirius, it wasn't his fault that...

Sirius:Shh! Your godfather is having one of those angry moments and before the angry moments are over you mustn't get in my way, because if someone gets in my way when I'm having angry moments THEY WILL DIE!

Harry:Eep!

Sirius:Oh, sorry! I was only joking about the dying part. Hehe! Nice joke, huh? Haha! BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Harry: (looks creeped out and backs away slowly)

Sirius:I'm so misunderstood! (a single tear runs down his cheek)

Remus:You should get out more.

Sirius:But I can't!

Remus:You should try communicating through the internet.

Sirius:Oh yeah! That muggle invention thingy that allows you to be in your house and talk to somebody far away at the same time.

Remus:And not only that, but all kinds of other things too!

(Pulls out a laptop out of nowhere)

Remus:You can use my laptop. Feel free to do whatever you want with it until we, the helpful members of the Order, come back from our super secret mission.

Sirius:I'd slap your for that one if you weren't my friend.

Remus:I know. That's why I say those things. Toodles!

(Everybody has left the house and Sirius is all alone with a laptop)

Sirius:How does this thing work? Let's see. Internet Explorer...what? Oh! Yeah I get it! MSN Messenger...hmm. Sign in as Bwahahaa! No. I'll sign in as(Sirius' Hotmail address will remain a secret to prevent the attack of fangirls).

Signed in as "Sirius"

Gothickitty says:OMG! Is that really you?

Sirius says:Who are you?

Gothickitty says:That's for me to know and you to find out;)

Sirius says:..ooookkk..?

Gothickitty:What are you wearing?

Block this person!

Deppluvr says:Ew! Is that like...Gary Oldman's Sirius Black?

Sirius says:Yes. So?

Deppluvr says:OMG! You should have totally been played by Johnny Depp. He is like...5 years younger than you and he is the sexiest man alive so...yeah!

Block this person!

Rachel88 has just signed in

Lonelygirl15 has just signed in

Eidsy has just signed in

I hate Moldybutt has just signed in

LilCutie100 has just signed in

Sirius:Uh oh! My ex-girlfriends from Hogwarts!

Sirius has just signed out

Sirius:What the bloody hell should I do now?

10 minutes later

Sirius: (singing)20 little bottles of...hick!...butterbeer on the floor. 20 little bottles of butterbeer! If I take the lid off and drink it all up...1...2...45...198 bottles of butterbeer on the floor. I'm a good mathematician, I am!

Falls on the floor and starts snoring.

The End!


End file.
